While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
