and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Text me some of your sweat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
