im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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