i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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