I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
