hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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