She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
