so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
