We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
