I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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