I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
accomplished twins. life is a go
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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