i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
