I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
