hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
