I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
