He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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