Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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