Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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