so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
