thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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