I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
