So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
