I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
