Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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