I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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