Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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