I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
