Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
