I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
