well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
