I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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