You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
