clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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