im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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