i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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