Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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