btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
