So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
