so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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