she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize