Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
