I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
