I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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