Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
