Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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