Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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