I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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