my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
