She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
whose parrot is this?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
