why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The power of my boobs compel you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
