My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
