...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
