he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
