you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
