The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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