jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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