No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
