bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
