I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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