Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
