Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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