My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
